I'm not sure what's worse. not knowing who your dad is and wondering who is, where he is, what he's doing, does he have kids, and if he cares. did he dodge a bullet when ya mama said dont worry about us because i got us. do you have siblings. do yall all favor. could you brother be that guy that just fixed your cable, or who delivered the paper, or whose your new neighbor cuz yall kinda do favor. (no question mark cuz its rhetorical)
or it is worse thinking all that but knowing who your dad is, knowing that he knows where you live, knowing that you his only kid, and not knowing where he lives bc he always running from his problems like when he used to make them bets, or not knowing his number bc he changes it with the quickness to avoid all the governmental threats.
hearing all the stories about how he can dance and he can cook, but never taste a meal or never being able to understand how being protected feels.
or seeing him add all your cousins and aunts as facebook friends but never understand why he can't type in the person whose his next of kin i mean how hard is it to type in the person with same last name as you, the one who you know is your twin, bt then again, i feel more like the adult and you're the kid
god wasn't playing when he made me
its like we siamese twins we share the same face, gap tooth, and nail beds
but its like we bump heads and cant stand each other
luckily he gave me the same glass as you but he and i filled it up with qualities of a real man and woman: loyalty, respect, trust, dignity, integrity, appreciation, and love
if god blesses me with a son ill teach him how to only run from haters, neigh sayers, and fakers, ill teach him to run towards success, the best, and teach him not that guy but to be be that guy
not the guy that gets by but the guy that gets through and salutes to the honor of his word and projects pass the obscure things seen all around him
i mean if i can make it without my father whats his excuse. if i can make it with an empty heart and broken promises then he can too. no one to teach me how a man is supposed to so i only have dreams of what im seeing on the tv screen i get confused bc women will praise any type of dude. the ones who buys her flowers, steals her car, puts rims on them, has good sex, protects his friends, says all the right things
im not sure how to end these endless thoughts so i'll continue to type and as i figure out whats right. I hope you'll do the right thing what ever that thing is.
No comments:
Post a Comment